No need to cry for help.

2019.01.06
I wonder if you see the glow in me?
I wonder if you can see right through me?
I wonder if you can see the little things i do for you? At least even matter a little to you.
I guess one thing i didnt fail was hiding my pain. The same pain that i caused you.
Perhaps sometimes ive succeeded to forget the hurtful times and managed to remove unwanted memories but the pain were still inside of me. Believe me,  i tried my hardest.
But im not giving up yet.  Im still at peace with my inner demons. Ignoring the whispers of guilt and ghosts. Still battling the war in my head alone. I hope you never see this version of me. Remember me the way who you want me to be.

the sun eventually will set and world will continue to fade...

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i never really feared death or the thought of it coming.
in fact its a very comforting feeling to know that you don't have to worry what things would be like after ten years or who would you be with when you grow old, the fear of being alone, coz you know you wouldn't get to that.
and maybe its a wake up call, coz you know you have a due date, an expiration, a deadline on which you better hurry or else you might not get what it is you want to accomplish before you get to the finish line. ang malaman n  mayayari mo ang  laban ng hndi i2 biglang kukunin sau.
nakakabagot kxe kung wla k ng pinaglalaban at unti-unti ng nawawala ang kung anuman ang pinapaniwalaan mo.
minsan nga kakatakbo mo nkakalimutan mo ang layunin mo at nalilihis k ng direction. ung iba nmn dhel wala ng thrill kapag k malapit n sila sa finish line at napansin nilang malayo pa ang kasunod nia  tumitigil muna cla para hintayin ito, nkkwala b ng sense kung wala nmng competition kia para makaramdam lng ng adrenalin i-ririsk ang pagkakataon just to get a shot on chance.

para sa akin lahat naman tayo naghihintay lng ng kanya-kanyang oras, ung iba nga lang literal ang pakahulugan d2 samantalang ung iba ginagawa ang lahat n para bang obligasyon nilang maging matagumpay dhel sa paniniwalang cla lang ang may kakayanan nito at ang iba ay wala ng kakayahan. mayroon naman n hindi n i2 iniintindi ang mahalaga lng sa kanila, makuha ang kagustuhan nila at mapanatili ito sa kanilang mga kamay. ung bang to the extent n pati "siyensa" ay binibili maging imortal lng sa mundong nagsasawa n din sa pag-inog niya.


ayoko namang isipin mo n sinasabi ko lng ito dhel mayroon n aqng expiration date, wala po. at ayoko ring isipin sa sarili ko n kikilos lng aq dhel alam kong kailangan ko ng magmamadali kung hindi bket ko pagpupursigehan n magpakabuti aq sa lhat ng pagkkataon kahit n npkahirap nito para sa akin. siguro dhel sa kadahilang walang kasiguruhan ang lahat, n hindi mo n kailang p ng dahilan para magmadali, para lumaban, dhel khet anong oras, sa bawat hininga at tibok ng puso mo, may expiration k talaga, consolacion n lang ung malaman mo ung sayo kesa sa surprise dba?

...live a Good life my friend but, seriously do you think you're ALIVE?

I always see to it that every night before and as i go to sleep i evaluate myself recalling the things that i did through the day.

And as I did ponder my less than 24 hour endeavor i make sure that there's something new added in my life, and i'm not talking about material possessions, well, a little maybe but it's not the point why i'm doing it every night. Like learning a new word, a new thing and skill, added a new button in my collection or owned a new book, met a new person to befriend..Its just that there is this feeling, hunger (or thirst as the case maybe) inside of me that needs to be fulfilled. I don't care if that makes me want more out of life. It's just that i got this fear that i'm running out of time and who knows well God forbid if i may say that tomorrow would no longer come and that i have to maximize the day given to me, not just to explore new things or pleasure my lifestyle but to do good as well..Anyway, What's wrong with improving oneself? Didn't they tell us to make the most out life? and let's not forget the Italian proverb Vive Bene, spesso l'amore, di risata molto. There are things that is out of our control, even science is advancing rapidly each day, Technology changing the phases of our daily living so why not join the hype and ride the progress? It may sound that the person doing this blog has a short time to live but that's just me cause as far as my medical says i'm pretty healthy though maybe it is only in our perspective how we deal in life thus defining how we live or if we really have live enough to earn our worth of our own existence.

....at least we tried

if all things should end, marriage is not one of them thus the famous marriage liturgy "til death do us part", but what if the passion had wear off, what if the relationship has become a prison each partner want to escape..well if you ask me too, i don't know the answer because i'm still not married and even if i do it'll be too long to discuss. Yet, there's a thing or two that i do know why a relationship comes to an end. And that is when you ask yourself What did I do that makes this relationship fail? and the worse  answer you could possibly reply is admitting NOTHING. You did nothing to save a once live-happily-ever-after story. Just like the fairy tale huh?! And even if you answer must have been SOMETHINGs you did that could be the reason why either way you're still parting ways before anyone or each one of you looses your dignity and become unsure of who you really are before you knew each other and after you break each others heart.